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[Jan. 18th, 2009|09:01 am] |
It's been nothing but countless hours of Tupac Shakur and relaxing lately.
Went to the club a few nights ago, nice anniversary party for some magazine.
yesterday was so goddamed horrid, in every direction, that I ended up at the bar...but there was a good blues band so yesssss.
for the record, Sarah's got the most beautiful face that i'll ever see.
Ever, period, hands down...and that nearly nearly pisses me off.
my arm feels healed already, gotta get it touched up a little though.
aaahhh, the days. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2009|04:29 pm] |
All I've done lately is listen to "The Earth is not a Cold Dead Place", Smoke weed, Kill time, and watch the days go slowly by with a hypocritical swiftness.
All my drive and desire for anything else is gone.
I've declined and found myself very uninterested and unimpressed by other girls.
Even the captain I've always known is all but an old idea and somewhat of a friend.
All that's left is what I've wanted and always wanted since I saw it.
I remember the first time I saw you, girl. You were the first breath I took, upon awakening from that coma that the world had me in.
I don't strive for anything or anyone else.
I wish there was a projector inside of me or something.
I'd display what I mean all over your room and you'd see what I've always meant all over your own face.
When are we going to stop being so afraid and cautious?
We're on the edge of something no one has ever seen or felt.
I think we should jump, baby girl. I really do. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2009|02:36 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | sigur in the sky? | ] |
Lately's been crazy.
I've needed a wake up call, a hand, and another whisper, letting me know you're there.
I"ve gotten 2 of the 3 and the third one....well, I have two already.
I'm getting Ink on Tuesday. |
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| You bring peace to midnight like a spotted owl |
[Dec. 17th, 2008|10:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Milk Thistle | ] |
So I've taken the initiative to take a lot of things into my own hands, lately.
This show is one of many more I have on the Calendar and I just spent the past three days with the most important person to who I am.
I set up two of my best friends together and it turned out waaay better than I ever would have thought. My gut is never wrong, so I go with it when my heart's confused, served them right this time! They're happy and I don't take all the credit, just the credit for figuring how to piece them together, their "reactive" actions are all theirs. I'm happy for them, they both deserve it beyone anything I could ever deserve.
It only took me about 5 minutes but I've got "Milk Thistle" down and locked. I never read the lyrics before or listened to it much, but now I love it so much I'm playing it on the 20th. I just love it so.
The rainy weather in Charlotte had it's own ring to it.
Every day, night, and every morning, grey, inspiring the most beautiful outfit i've seen her wear in years. So I can't blame the rain this time for anything wrong, except maybe a little mud on my shoes.
I had the quiet comfort around her that you only get when you're finally in a place in your life when you can relax and finally breathe a sigh of relief. Like someone finally came to you as Atlas and said "I'll carry it from here." Makes me tearful and no longer exhausted.
You know what I mean? Like when you have no complaints about anything, no worries, no fears, and being able to actually know that is something I haven't felt since I can't ever remeber when.
I keep death at my heels like a basset hound and all I want is all i'll need for the rest of forever, it's so close in reach and I almost got it. I can feel my fingernails scratching its' surface! GODDAMN RIGHT.
If it dies or goes away, it might come back, as it again or something else.
At least I'll always be reaching instead of sitting around wishing I could. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2008|11:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | RA D IOHEA_D | ] |
Chip, Rest In Piece, my friend.
My friend Chip died in a car accident a few days ago.
Besides me losing Max, My father, and probably my best friend Lindsey, One of my newer friends gets taken away in a way that I can't ever get him back.
I've been constantly listening to IN RAI NBO/W_S nonstop, thank you Radiohead.
I don't really know what to say.
Options, options.
California on Feb 15?
Back to AZ for round 3?
Getting a place with Morgan at the start of the year?
Or what?
I don't know.
I know what my heart wants, so everything I do is a step to what I inevitably will have.
I learned Nollie Half Cab flips today. (you don't understand, learning that specific trick is as hard as a monkey trying to learn japanese, for me. I'm stoked, thanks Chip.)
I miss Sarah, A lot, though. She's been doing alright, lately so I'm not worried about her too much. We're mentally and situationally in the same place right now but we're getting out.
I wish I could be making and playing music right now. I feel any and all talents I have are going to absolute waste, fuck. Oh well, such is life.
That's my latest work of art, I guess you could say.
Evidence of her is in it everywhere, if you know me well enough to know the symbolisms.
This entry is finished now, I think. |
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| Now it's November? |
[Nov. 3rd, 2008|12:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Band of Horses | ] |
Lately has me looking at life with a big "?"
I'm nowhere near where I want to be or how I want to be, or something.
I know that's right but yeah, California.
I could go to California and do this music thing, once and for all but someone else is going to be expecting more of me and I know it. I don't want that though, so GODDAMN IT. It's Sarah or nothing!! (everyone else has absolutely failed to prove anything they've ever said and even if so, fuck em), fixes and temps don't cut it. Only someone Marvelous and absolutely uncanny could distract me and pass this time, but she's taken and I respect that.
I've killed all my recent days with Max, lately.
Teaching him how to skate and watching him progress and get more and more stoked on it has me wishing I could re grasp that, even though my love and loyalty to it hasn't ever changed.
SCAROWINDS WAS THE SHIT-a haunted theme park on halloween night with rides and haunted houses and mazes everywhere? CHYEAH!
I'm letting my hair go, I think.
I'm letting it grow grow grow, until i cut it for some impulsive reason or something, but other than that, my hair won't know any scissors.
There's a piano where I am right now, so that's nice, I guess.
last night I saw Leanne, which I haven't seen since High school.
that was soo good but it downed me because her boyfriend is NOT worthy of this girl in any way but she seems happy with him and their son, go figure. His friend was this racist, homophobic, drunken prick and max and I mad fun of him subliminally the whole night because his ignorance wouldn't let him "get" anything we said, so whatever.
My Dreams have gotten crazier and my overall happiness is just fucked, i'm just passing time now. Meprozines and Mary Jane accompany me most nights but those are just sleep sedatives and unwinding tools.
i've gotten loving offers from others lately and though flattering and clean, They still don't wear matching scars on their arms so fuck em.
I'm getting a lot done this week, because I said so, the end. |
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| Lately |
[Oct. 30th, 2008|01:09 pm] |
Oh lately lately, consist of Meprozine, Narcos, Promethazine, Alcohol, and Weed.
Why? I couldn't really tell you.
My hair's grown out a little bit and Employment balances on whether or not I cut it?
I could be working in charlotte right now if i had a place to stay, etc. My jobs are just too fucked up to work with, bottom line.
((( so yesterday morning consisted of me driving to charlotte in the early morning, when it's still dark, watching the sky light up on the way. Morning light blaring with a morning drive, listening to Cat Power's Moon Pix? Yes please.)))
The flip flopping and how unstable the west seems... because some promises and plans are made and built on the worst foundations, no wonder it's always collapsing and changing. SOLIDITY
Nearly every girl i meet or come across is borderline repulsive and undesirable.
what I want and feel i deserve is nowhere to be found, unless i travel another 2,000 miles and then again, i'm promised nothing if I decided to tighten my shoe laces for it.
The only good company I've found in the longest time was a few from charlotte, when I saw them last, i forgot what worry and thought was.
On another note, the trees are absolutely beautiful right now.
I've lost the halloween spirit and nearly all other spirits too.
I want em back. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2008|12:26 pm] |
I'm majorly suffering from a severe case of writers block, God damn it.
This has been going on for months and months on end.
Actually, it's been about a year.
Makes sense.
I didn't lose my inspiration, it lost me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2008|02:53 pm] |
oh, and fuck livejournal and the rest of the internet.
if it wasn't for a very very very few select number of people, i wouln't even exist on here anymore.
Crista, you're the ghost index of the five I can count on my hand. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2008|04:12 pm] |
Wisconsin is the shit.
Livejournal is not. |
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